Musings in Solitude

As the wind blows,
On this cold dreamy night,
The sky stands clear,
With neither clouds, nor stars,
A single full moon, Shining…
Shining Bright and yet all alone…

Walking somewhere, anywhere but here,
I pull up my coat,
A futile attempt to keep warm,
In an empty lane, peaceful and serene,
The moon, my companion,
And I hers…

I find myself lost,
Mesmerized, by her beauty,
Thanking the heavens, to be guided,
By this light… And grateful,
For the company.

Countless nights spent, sleepless,
walking alone, through empty streets,
I’ve wandered, with just my thoughts.
There was a time, Once,
When I enjoyed soltitude, craved it even
Now however, I’ve become incapable
Of friendships, And incapable,
Of love.

A vehicle zooms past,
And with it a chilly sensation,
Breaking me away ,
From my morose thoughts.
And as I pull up my coat again;
As I continue walking down again,
I wonder to myself,
“Will the moon accompany me,
Tomorrow… “

– BHASKAR NETI

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The Apartment

I sit by the balcony,
Sit by the edge, staring,
At the vibrant streets, Mesmerized,
By how they light up the night.
And as I turn around, stare behind me,
I see a dark apartment,
Cold and Empty… Haunted,
By my past, my choices,
A grave reminder of my mistakes.

 

In another time, a naive me,
Would have hoped to move.
“It’s just the job! Or maybe, the city.”
I often found myself thinking.
But now, after countless years,
More so than I care to count,
I find myself realizing,
This dark apartment; This chilly place,
Is but a part of me; That I take.
Wherever I go, it follows.
And I can never let go of this darkness.

 

Suddenly,
I’m brought back from my thoughts,
Sitting at the Balcony again,
Sitting, right at the edge.
The noises and the lights so close,
I can almost touch them… Almost!
And yet they elude me so.
As I try reaching out, I wonder,
Do I jump? Do I take the plunge,
Into the unknown, towards the lights…
Will I finally rid myself,
Of this darkness, this lonelyness,
I wonder.
But more so, I fear,
The darkness shall follow me,
And along with me, it shall consume,
Everything I hold dear; Everyone.

 

And so I sit here, alone,
A coward, unable to take the plunge,
With no hope,
Of being saved,
Forever being swallowed,
In this Dark Apartment,
My own Heart.

– Bhaskar Neti

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A Search Futile

A thousand kilometres above air,
I sit by the window, Gazing,
Into the pitch black sky,
I gaze, into Darkness.
Countless passengers while away their time,
some snoring, and some chatting away.
To my mind however, this noise exists not,
As I wander away,
My thoughts the same shade of black,
As the sky outside…

“When life hits you hard,
Get up, hit back harder!” They said.
And I did; repeatedly.
And hit harder I did!
Always smiling, hiding the pain.
Being Strong; To prove a point, unknown.
To prove myself,
To persons unknown,
Never understanding, the point,
Of it all…

“How many times more?” I wonder.
“How much more do I take?
How much more, Can I take?”
I begin to realise,
The futility of it all.
People fighting, and struggling, Moving,
From one place to another
Everyone in search,
Of a common goal; And Everyone,
Equally lost.
Not one with a clue,
As to where they’re headed; Pretending,
To know it all – The meaning of life.
Pretending to know,
Where happiness lies.
And worse still, Pretending,
To be happy.

– Bhaskar Neti

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The Dilemma

On a night without stars I walk,
Pacing up and down by myself,
Lost in thought…
I ponder,
On the past, the present,
And I think, about the future…
A future full of promises,
A future of hope,
And yet I find myself,
Hopelessly Concerned…”Dream Big!” They said,
And I did.
“Aim for the stars!” They said,
And again, I did.
But now I fear,
That I’ve dreamt too much.
Too much for my own good,
And much beyond my limitations.

I now spend every waking hour,
Laying the road map,
To my dreams;
Executing…
I fear, that I no longer,
Find peace, in long walks,
That I no longer appreciate,
The melody of birds,
I fear, that I no longer enjoy,
The simple pleasures,
In life…

I question myself,
On the significance,
Of this fleeting life;
Can I ever break these chains,
That bind me,

From the satisfaction I seek?
Can I ever break away,
From this vicious circle,
That devours me,
From the inside?
How do we define,
The fine line,
Between true happiness,
And this society’s “happiness”?
As I ponder over countless questions,
I find myself being engulfed,
By the darkness,
That surrounds me.
                                      – Bhaskar Neti

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Damaged

Wandering through life,

Alone and Adrift I pass;

Soulless, with a heart hardened,

Through sorrow and pain.

Trust, a word that exists,

To me, no more.

Every sunrise, I drag myself,

To lead what others call life.

A life lead in pretence,

Hiding pain and sorrow,

Clinging desperately, to sanity.

 

And as I struggle in this darkness,

Shimmers a tiny light, A ray of hope.

Dragging my body,

Limp and lifeless, I pray.

I pray that I may finally be free,

Of this madness,

I pray that my heart may heal,

The void, filled with love,

The darkness, replaced,

By Light…

 

As I reach closer,

I find myself Afraid,

As doubt takes over me.

Finding myself, unable to go further,

I stop; For so many times,

Have I been broken, And,

A countless times,

Has the heart been patched.

I fear, that I may be broken again,

Broken further and discarded,

A feeling I know,

Only too well.

And so I stare, motionless and still,

Unable to find the will,

To act.

And unable,

To Hope.

– Bhaskar Neti

 

 

 

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A Mask

Staring at the dim, flickering light,
Across the room, I lay…
Random thoughts flashing,
Flooding my  mind, I lay…
Many times I have tried,
To let go. To move on with life.
But alas, there are things,
That one can never run from.
No matter how fast you run,
The past always catches up,
It always seems to repeat itself,
Never once failing to leave, its mark;
Gushing open wounds,
I thought to he long closed.
For years, I have been enslaved,
To these pains, these thoughts,
And now they,
Seem to have become a part,
A part of me…

“Is this my destiny?”
I ask myself quietly.
To be in constant pain;
To be reminded constantly,
Of the past losses.
And to continue loosing,
Everything I cherished.
To loose my humanity.
Or is it just that,
We perceive ourselves,
Through pain and loss,
Making me,
More human than the others.
Doomed to a life,
Of eternal pain.

What can be more painful,
Than my loss, I wonder.
Only to be reminded…
To be given hope,
And then a sudden loss,
Throwing me into the darkness.
Live with the pain, they say.
It gets better they say.
But alas, the pain,
Only does increase.
And eventually clouds,
Your mind and your beauty;
Leaving to the world,
An empty shell; a make belief.

Give yourself another chance.
Try again, they say.
And like a fool, I,
Listen.
Yet again, I listen,
To be drowned in more pain,
In more loss again.
“What am I?” I wonder.
What defines me?
My worldly achievements?
Or what I am beneath.
For outside, I am successful,
A happy, sociable person.
But deep within…
Look inside! I cry out!
Look deeper! Help me!
For I am lost within myself.
A sociopath? An introvert?
Or just another guy,
Afraid of accepting reality,
I wonder.
Look behind every laugh,
And you will see tears.
Look behind the socializing,
And you will see,
An introvert,
Afraid of being vulnerable.
Look into the happiness,
And you will see,
Misery…
So who am I?
I wonder! And I pray,
I hope,
That some day,
I shall find myself.
That until that day,
I have the strength,
To drag myself.
For the burdens,
Only seem to get heavier,
With time…

 

– Bhaskar Neti

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Jack of All Trades OR Master of One?

I am a Final year student, currently pursuing Computer Science and Engineering in India. Like most final year students in my country, I am currently at a point where I have to decide what is it that I want to do with my future. However, unlike most people my age group, I have no clue. I seem to be one of those few people who are completely lost.

The most common question that arises is – “Is it better to be a Jack of All Trades or a Master of One?” Its a question that has haunted me through college. I have been part of various activities and organizations, clubs etc., always doing something different. i have never really specialized in my skills. always being a Jack of All trades than a master of one. My friends however, have a different story. Many of them have picked up a single skill, worked over and over with it and mastered it to the extent possible in the time available. Both ideas seem good right? Well, maybe a master of one seems better. But guess what? 3 years down and all of us are in the same boat. We get almost the same kind of job offers, almost the same incentives. Maybe the job roles are different, but the compensation and other incentives are the same. This got me thinking as to why? Two approaches, and both getting the same result. What is that one thing that differs us from the one’s who get the better offers? Interestingly enough, the answer was right inside my head, with my experiences.

I had started out on a quest to find and pursue my passion since my first year of college; far too early compared to many of my counter parts. My journey started off with me wanting to pursue an MBA post my college. I worked extensively to build the required skills, constantly re-defining my strengths. Through the few years, I decided on the fact that I wanted to pursue an MBA in Marketing and Strategy Management as that seemed to be my area of interest. Yes, things were going well. I was working towards my goals and everything was going according to plan.

However, over the course of my career building, I realized one very important fact. Marketing, as a job role was not as easy as it seemed to be. To be good at this job, one needed a lot of skills. Gone were the days when being a designer was good enough. The field of Digital marketing in itself required skills ranging from Content Creating to Designing to Web Development. Other skills such as Data Analysis were an added bonus. And when we ventured deeper into the subject, more and more skills kept adding up. A puzzled student, I turned to other walks of life, just out of curiosity. And there was that one thing I noticed in common in all of them. Every profession, every job role was infinitely more complex than the other. There was always a traditional mindset and a modern mindset. For example, in Digital Marketing, a traditional mindset mandated a good sense of design. A modern mindset however, required a whole range of technical skills added to the traditional one. There was always more than that meets the eye.

Every job required a vast array of skills, more often than not, greatly differing in types. What was once done by a team, is something companies prefer to be done by a single person. And an executive job, or even that of a team leader, required knowledge of all the skills in a team and more. We first evolved from a world which priced a Jack of all Trades to one which valued a Master of one. Now however, we are moving slowly into a world of “Jack of All Trades, And Master of Few(all).” And this is true not only of marketing, but all evolving practices. Take an Actuarial Job for example. Leading firms prefer to give both the front and back end of the work to a single person. Your actuary is now the person who not only performs risk management through complex mathematical algorithms, but also sits down with you to understand your needs. They need good mathematical, english and programming skills coupled with soft skills, all different from one another.

Another example would be the recent rise in the trend of a B.E degree followed by an MBA. People who successfully do so, usually land in well paid/top position jobs directly. Why? Is it because they studied more? Or are they smarter? Some may debate the fact and argue, however, I feel it is simple because they have a more diverse knowledge and understanding of things. They are well learned, not just in one portfolio, but rather in two. And that is what gives an edge to them over others. Not the intelligence or the level of IQ one might have.

Personally, I believe that this is the future of the world, especially with the recent recessions. Companies are looking for people who can do the work of 2 or more people, using just one person and that is where the world would head. To an era of “Jacks being the Masters.”

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Alone Tonight

Alone tonight yet again I spend,
Another failed attempt,
To reflect upon.
Yet again, I have tried,
To woo you, And alas,
Yet again, I failed.
How many more failures,
Will it take me to get a “yes”,
This I know not, never will.
But one thing, for certain I know,
That give up, I never will, never can.
Afterall, you are and will always be,
The best person I know,
You will always be,
The one person,
Worth waiting…

Oh! This distance!
It kills me everyday,
And I wish, everyday,
That we were closer together,
Then maybe, things would work.
Maybe then, I could sleep,
Without a worry in my head,
And pain in my heart.
Maybe then, I could have found,
Peace in my soul.
But alas, I am far away,
And the disrance, grows everyday.

But what is distance,
But a physical quantity,
A boundary laid out by humans,
A thing of the mind.
So, I cross my fingers,
And ask you, I ask you!
To give it a try.
I say, with confidence,
That we will make it work,
That we will beat the odds.
But then again, I realize,
That you are not ready,
That I, am blinded by love,
And foolishly impose,
My own belief on you.
I realize that you are not ready,
And I ask myself –
“Am I even loved? And,
Do I matter, even a little?”
The answer to this, a mystery,
And yet, I choose to believe,
That I do, A childish belief,
If you will.
But one that gives me hope,
Hope to ask you the same question,
Again and again,
And bounce back with zeal,
After every rejection.

Tonight again, I have tried,
And again I have failed.
So, I raise a toast,
And tell myself,
That tomorrow will be better,
And tomorrow will be,
Worth the fight.
And yet again, I deceive myself,
From the fact that,
Tonight, just as every other,
I again am,
Truly alone….

– Bhaskar Neti

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Uncomplicate

Life is like a maze, They say,

With twists and turns,

Trickery and decit,

At every end. Beware thee!

Who wishes to traverse this maze,

For one wrong turn,

A single wrong choice,

Can turn around your life,

The difference between,

Heaven and hell, they say…

Play the game wisely,

Oh thee who dares to travel.

 

But all this, all this “wisdom”,

Is mere talk, I say.

Or worse still, hipocracy!

For how can one,

Know so much about life,

If not from experience,

Or if nt for a lie.

It is the experiences that count,

The mistakes we make,

And ultimately the rights,

That come out,

Of the countless mistakes,

That make life worthwhile.

 

The philosophy of life,

Is one very simple,

“Listen to your heart,

Explore and discover.”

Go on! Make mistakes,

Learn from them, but,

Never again repeat them.

For only through mistakes,

Do we gain wisdom,

And only through this,

Do we achieve success.

 

For long have I,

Pondered over the past,

Tried to correct,

The faults in me.

However, one thing I realize,

Perfection is a farce.

It is in our mistakes,

That we are defined,

And differentiated from all else.

That when change is expected of us,

It is only ‘Coz people,

Feel insecure around you,

And are constantly reminded,

Of their imperfections.

So I say this to you out there,

Be yourself! Live life,

The way you want!

Do not apologize,

For things thay are not,

Your faults.

And let go,

Of the excess baggage,

Of the people,

That pull you down.

From this day on,

Pledge to yourself,

To uncomplicate life,

For it is only we,

Who can define the way,

We shall live…

 

– Bhaskar Neti

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Why Should you do HR Atleast Once in your Life

The first time in life when I was asked if I wanted to work for HR, I had answered, rather arrogantly, that I wanted “real” work. This is pretty much how a lot of people have been viewing the HR portfolios and those in the stream. Recruitments annually or as needed, appraisals and documentation of the employees. This is where most people think that the boundaries of Human Resources lie. And I, was no exception. Atleast until recently.

At that time I decided to take up the opportunity- probably just because I was not prepared to quit the organization or maybe because I thought I’d nothing to lose by trying something new. Afterall, I was still in college and it was really a voluntary organization. And believe me when I say that, to this day, it has been one of the best decisions I have made.

 

As a HR Head for an organization, I realized the true meaning and importance to HR and personally, I truly feel that all of us, at some point should be a part of the HR portfolio if only for a small period of time. Curious? Well, here’s why –

 

1. People Skills

When you look at organizations today, what is most important, above all else is people skills. With the right, skills, you meet the right people and you make the right impression and this, can get you places. No more do we live in a world where the most hard working or the most talented individual is recognized. Don’t get me wrong, talent and hard work are the most important yes, but your network, the way you deal with people, that is really the base, the foundation to success. And what better way to hone those skills than work in an atmosphere where you are constantly dealing with different kinds of people, analyzing them and understanding their needs.
As a HR head, you are tasked with the most important company decision – recruiting the workforce. And what do you have to support you? A one page resume, most of which fabricated to give you an enhanced, couldn’t-be-further-from-the-truth impression and a 15 minute interview. And thousands, of applicants!
An this again is probably why HR professionals are the most networked people and almost always the center of attraction, be it a formal presentation or a party. They understand how to put other people at ease.

 

2. Different perspective towards things

As an HR professional, you really develop a different perspective towards things. You look at a situation from an angle that most people often seem to skip out- the “people’s perspective.” As HR professionals, we interact with diverse sets of people, on an almost regular basis and more often than not on similar topics. And this is exactly what sets us apart from others. An HR professional is so used to thinking on the lines of other people’s psyche that these involuntarily become a part of oneself. Think of it as an amalgam of countless personalities, countless views and ideals in a single mind. Some might call it a loss of one’s own personality. But I would like to think of it more as an evolution. Your ideas and internal understanding essentially can bring about a result similar to one brought out by a discussion between various individuals. Enormous perspective and a wide range of ideas; which organization would not value that?

 

3. People First

Now this is one of the most important things that you can learn, with HR gone right. People first was the tag with which we worked with the national team. What it meant was a promise, a reminder that we would always keep the needs and the experiences of the individuals before any decision making. It was a promise that we would put ourselves in the shoes of our members and before decision making. And though this might seem vague and bizarre, it brings about amazing results. Afterall, human resource is like none other. Keep your people happy and they will work twice as better. A healthy and stress-free environment is certified to bring better results. Why else are more and more global giants moving towards creating such workplace environments for employees. This might not help you directly in your personal life, but in terms of your career, has profound impact. As a Team Leader or a Manager, you are constantly required to guide your team and keep them motivated. Their efficiency is your responsibility.

 

4. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!

The biggest misconception with HR is that –

People think that you are helping them and solving their issues but what they truly fail to realize is that you are the one who is benefited. That in reality, you are learning from their experiences, more than they can ever imagine. Everytime you solve one of their issues, you are living the entire experience and it is these experiences that shape your character.

 

As a Human Resource manager, you realize that countless people look upto you as a guide, a mentor, a friend. This not only helps you realize your own worth and helps you build your confidence but most of all, it makes you want to be a better person, not for your sake but for that of the countless lives and experiences that you can impact, with a simple 2 minute conversation. You have the power to make or break an experience and that my friend, is not an easy place to be…

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